B-Nice

Health Care???

2010-03-23T17:03:00.002-04:00

So now that the health care bill has passed, I'm not sure if we've done a good thing for real or not. I avidly watched Michael Moore's Sicko and from what I understand what other civilized countries have is not Universal Health Insurance but Universal Health Care. You get sick, you get injured, you go to the hospital or doctor and you get taken care of. This healthcare reform bill seems like it may be forcing a square peg into a round hole.

Working families will be able to carry their children on their health plans for longer. Sounds good to me. Insurance companies won't be able to deny or drop coverage because someone is sick. OK, I can get with that. Everyone must get health insurance. UMMM... How exactly does that work? If I don't have coverage because I couldn't afford coverage how does making me get coverage work for me? Even if it is a percentage of my income, what if I can't afford the percentage that you say I should be able to pay if I don't make enough money for food, shelter, transportation and incidentals as it is? Honestly what someone says you can afford may not be what you can afford.

For instance, 25 year old son gets sick, goes to the emergency room, is held overnight and serviced, and gets a whopping bill. He's unemployed and applies for emergency medicaid and is denied. Hello, I did say he was unemployed didn't I. How can he be denied? For real you think he can afford to pay a couple of grand to a hospital on his unemployment? If an unemployed person does not qualify for medicaid now, who does?

I seriously hope this all works out because situations like his should not exist. People should not go bankrupt, lose their homes, have their credit damaged because they got sick. I have questions. Who has answers?????

Rain, Rain, Go Away

2010-03-13T14:13:00.003-05:00

When I woke up this morning I just knew it was going to be a good day. Today is my 6th Zetaversary and there was a full day of being a Zeta to look forward too. Yes, it was raining as it has been since yesterday, but that did not upset me. I thought I had a plan and that it would be all good.

I started the day out with a great workout compliments of my Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga DVD. I figured that would get me up and going for the day. I had all of the reports printed for the monthly chapter meeting. I had my Hopstop directions to get me to the Archonette induction and then to the meeting. I was running a little late when I left home just after 9am so I knew I would be a little late but it was a nasty day and I was pretty sure they wouldn't really be starting on time anyway. I still don't own a pair of rubber boots but was pretty sure that my leather timbs would be okay for the day.They have a low wedge heel but I thought they would work okay all things considered.

And then it all fell apart. Starting with the wind. I totally underestimated the force of the wind and my umbrella was toast almost immediately. I negelected to wear a hat just because I forgot and really didn't think I would need my gloves so I didn't have them. Walking to the train station wasn't an option due to the still mending ankle and the bus took FOREVER. Got to 170th Street and figured I would run in RiteAid and get a new umbrella and maybe a rain hat. NOT HAPPENING. They had absolutely nothing. Manager said they sold out their entire stock of rain stuff yesterday. OK. Head up to the train platform and find out that HOPSTOP neglected to be aware of the fact that there were no downtown trains running. Right there I should have gone downstairs and hailed a cab. Of course I didn't do that, so... I rode up to Burnside Avenue for the downtown train.

The next part was my fault. Normally when I transfer at 149th Street and the Grand Concourse I am heading uptown to work. Today I needed to go downtown to Harlem. Somehow or another I ended up on auto pilot and did not realize my mistake until the train was at the next uptown station. Problem being, you can't transfer at that station. I had to ride an additional 3 stops up to transfer for a downtown train. One good point, I found a really nice umbrella on that uptown train. I crossed over and got on what I thought was a downtown 2 train. This one I'm not sure if it was my bad or a case of the train being mislabeled as it often is. In any event the next thing I know I'm at 125th and Lexington on the east side instead of 125th and Lenox on the west side. Of course, through all of this I'm constantly checking my watch and seeing that it is getting later and later. I wasn't looking forward to walking from 116th and Lexington Avenue to where I needed to go on 118th Street but que sera, sera, if that is what I had to do, ok.

Two more downtown express trains came before a downtown local train finally came and it was absolutely the last straw when the local train went express on the local track and I realized that I could not even transfer back uptown at 86th Street but would need to go to 59th Street to transfer for an uptown local train. I have to say once my mind was made up that I had enough, I made the best connections of all time. I rode the local to 125th Street to avoid the steps at 86th Street. The 4 came right away at 125th Street and the 11 bus back home seemed to come almost as soon as I hit the bus stop. Nearly 3 hours later, cold, wet, tired and with an ankle that was now hurting due probably to the small heel on the boot in addition to the cold and the wet weather I return home. What an adventure.

New on my to do list:
1. Get some rain boots. STAT.
2. Get some a rain hat and maybe even a rain coat for when an umbrella simply won't do.

Lesson Learned.

Shoes with Support

2010-03-11T20:49:00.002-05:00

So...Today I learned the true definition and meaning of a shoe with support. As you know exactly 8 weeks ago I chipped a bone in my ankle. I had to spend basically 3 weeks in a cast and 4 weeks in soft boot and just this week I went back to work.

Of course many things have been negelected, so today I made my way to my nail salon for a mani and pedi. Now, my usual custom after my mani/pedi is to walk home in my flip flops. Now this is a distance of about .7 miles and takes me about 15 minutes. Two words...BAD IDEA and I didn't even make it anywhere near my home. I walked from the nail salon to the Rite Aid in the next block to pick up a few items. Limping like I seriously could not believe. In my head saying, WTF... For Real. I wasn't limping like that in my flat shoes, I wasn't limping like that in my sandals, I wasn't even limping like that in my house in my slippers. And then it hit me. Girl, these flip flops on concrete is not happening. They do not have enough support for your 8 week broke ankle.

Good sense prevailed. I limped my arse out of Rite Aid and back to my nail salon, sat my arse down, let old girl put some oil on my nails, put my sneakers on and walked home. Good news, nails made it home smudgeless. Bad news, ankle still hurting. :-( Oh Well... Lesson learned.

I Call BULLSH*T

2010-03-02T18:31:00.002-05:00

Each and every morning I start my day with local ABC news. Yes, I do love Ken, Lori and Bill. This morning over and over I was told how as of March 7, 2010 at 12:01 AM my routine may be interrupted because Cablevision charges me to receive local programming but does not pay the local programmers for the benefit of receiving the signal. And when I cut on my cable boxes in other rooms they have overridden my settings to tune to an alert that tells me how ABC is holding me hostage just so they can get more money. And now for my rant...

First, of all Cablevision sucks balls. My signal is often filled with digital distortion forcing me to watch shows that I DVRed on my computer because they were so distorted they were unwatchable. For example last nights episode of 24. Second, I'm held hostage by Cablevision because I live in an apartment building in an area that is basically lower income I am basicaly optionless. The area is one of the last areas to get any kind of new services such as Fios and my landlord has forbidden me to mount a DirectTV dish on their property. Third, neither of them are really struggling financially. I'm the one struggling in this economy as everything goes up with the exception of my salary. While they may be making less money in this economy (and I even doubt that) they are surely still making millions or maybe even billions.

I googled and googled and cannot find the facts that I really want to know. Such as:
1. Do any other cable providers pay to receive signals from the major broadcasters or what used to be known as free TV? If so, then it is an industry standard in my opinion and Cablevision needs to pony up the dough. If not, ABC is being unreasonable and needs to fall back.
2. Do any other cable providers include in their pricing some sort of fee to receive free TV signals? If so, again, I'm gonna say industry standard. If not, I'm thinking class action suit for unfair pricing and Cablevision gets to Pony up the dough.

If no other free stations are receiving money from cable providers to receive their signals and ABC is indeed holding everyone hostage and is actually successful, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that all the other majors will follow suit and make money off the back of the viewers because at the end of the day the buck always stops with us.

Either way. I CALL BULLSH*T!!!

The Politician

2010-02-28T21:52:00.003-05:00

OK, I know I'm late with this but it seems like even with a broken ankle and nothing but time to watch TV I still can't keep up with my TV viewing in a timely fashion. I do digress but to get to my point. Today I watched the Oprah Winfrey interview of Andrew Young and his wife and my thought seems to be that I think he and his wife have got to be kidding me.

I'm supposed to believe that John Edwards is this huge pathological liar (which he is) and no one can argue that point after watching him boldly lie over and over about his baby with the Hunter chick. But I'm also supposed to believe that after they lied for him and covered for him and claimed somebody else's baby for him and let the Hunter chick live with them that they are now telling the truth. I mean after all they only did it to protect the dying (but not dead) Elizabeth Edwards. Pardon me but I call bullsh*t.

So I'm thinking, you knew John Edwards was cheating on his ill wife. You knew the sh*t was about to hit the fan. You knew there was no way that he was getting out of the deep doo doo this time. You knew that either way you could get paid at the end of the day. You could get paid by holding it over the "president's" head that you knew where the skeletons were buried because you buried them for him or you could get paid by telling everyone all about the skeletons that you helped to bury. Either way liar, liar pants and skirt on fire. You should burn with John Edwards for trying to get a lying sack of sh*t elected to be president or any other position of power for that matter. You should burn with him for now getting paid on lies and more lies. I've lost count of the lying, cheating politicians sitting in positions of power in our country. I guess it's true. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts, ABSOLUTELY.

If It Wasn't For Bad Luck...

2010-02-26T15:10:00.002-05:00

I wouldn't have any luck at all. Isn't that how the old saying goes? At this point I'm wondering if luck has anything to do with it. As if the fall wasn't bad enough, just my luck and it was broke. Not even a bad break, but bad enough to need a cast and a crutch and now a boot. And if a leg had to be messed up, my luck it had to be my driving leg to make me dependent on others for almost everything. *sigh*

It has definitely been an interesting 6 weeks. Maybe interesting isn't quite the adjective that I need to describe this experience. Annoying, Frustrating, Nerve Wracking ... Yeah those seem like more appropriate adjectives for how this has been for me. Good news is I'm still here. Yes, I'm annoyed. Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I feel a little trapped in a never ending cycle of nothing. But, I'm alive, my husband is here for me and for real, it could be worse.

Day 38

2010-02-23T14:51:00.002-05:00

So...On January 14th, while simply walking to my car, I stepped on something and found myself lying on the ground. I am one of those people who seems to twist my ankle fairly easily and assumed that I had twisted my ankle, AGAIN. I went home and iced and wrapped and elevated and ibuprofened myself in my usual manner.

The next day the pain was still very bad, I could not put weight on my foot and carried myself off to my doctor for xrays. I was seriously surprised when I found out that the ankle bone was chipped and more than a little disturbed to have to go to the emergency room to get it splinted.

The next week I went from splint to cast and 2 weeks later I went from cast to walking boot. Gotta say this experience has been a bit frustrating for me. I'm a pretty busy person who is pretty much always on the go with my calendar filled with appointments and events and obligations. Sitting in my recliner with my leg up or laying in the bed with my leg up pretty much tears my nerves. Not being able to take myself where I want to go, when I want to go and do what I want to do pretty much makes me want to fall on a sword. *sigh*

Now it seems as though I am at the mercy of the doctor's schedule. I was supposed to go for a follow up appointment last week but received a phone call saying the doctor needed to reschedule only to receive another phone call later on the week to reschedule again. Pretty frustrating for me to say the least.

Never the less I am thankful. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful to have a husband who has done his best to take care of my needs during this time. He calls it driving Miss Bernie. LOL. I'm thankful that I have friends and family that check up on me and even take me out of my house from time to time. I'm thankful to have a son who insists on calling me every day. Thankful, Thankful, Thankful.

Ummmmm...Not Guilty...For Real???

2010-02-22T19:14:00.002-05:00

So...After many months the Brooklyn cops accused of sodomizing a Brooklyn man after picking him up for smoking weed on a subway platform were found not guilty. In 2010 it is still the same. Even with DNA evidence on the cops baton...not guilty. Even after one of the cops involved broke the blue wall of silence and admitted that the dude did it and the others tried to cover it up...not guilty. Pretty much Rodney King all over again. Proof of the crime but when its cops...not guilty. I'm done. *SMH*

What I Heard Him Say

2010-02-21T18:49:00.003-05:00

One more 'gain on Tiger's Public Apology. He went on for 13 minutes and said I'm sorry several different ways but what I heard was...

Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me or you've worked with me or you've supported me.

If I have to do this, at least let me do it in front of people who may cut me a break.

Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.

You are right to be pissed but I am sorry.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife Elin and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.

Everybody is dying to know what the real deal is. I mean what in the world was I thinking.

Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behavior over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.

My wife is finally speaking to me again. And if I want her to keep talking to me I better straighten up and fly right and not embarrass her with more of this.

I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down, and I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners.

I done messed up for real with everyone I know. I can barely show my face in public right now.

To everyone involved in my foundation, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors, and most importantly, the young students we reach, our work is more important than ever. Thirteen years ago, my dad and I envisioned helping young people achieve their dreams through education. This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. From the Learning Center students in Southern California to the Earl Woods scholars in Washington, D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives, and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.

People are withholding their contributions to my charity and now even the kids ain't feeling me cause I cut off their money flow too. Now I'm gonna really have to come out of my own pocket and ends is tight for me too.

But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry.

Now everyone is giving me the side eye. Again, everybody wants to know what was I thinking. Let me say it again, I'm sorry.

I have a lot to atone for, but there is one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Elin somehow hurt or attacked me on Thanksgiving night. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. Elin never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage, ever. Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Elin deserves praise, not blame.

Stop saying my wife was trying to hit me like a golf ball. Ya'll are pissing me off with that. We don't get down like that.

The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.

It's not about her, it was me, all me. (*Side Note - That line right there sounded like the one you get when the dude is trying to let you down easy. You know the one. It's not you babe it's me.

I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.

I'm a selfish a**. My father is rolling over in his grave right now cause I got caught out there like my parents ain't teach me no better. I let my little head run sh*t cause for real I felt like I had it like that.

I was wrong. I was foolish. I don't get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother, my wife's family, my friends, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me.

Not that I'm caught out there I guess I wasn't really all that after all. Now I got to suffer in front of everyone. If I was really Japanese the eleders might be making me fall on my sword behind this bullsh*t.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It's now up to me to make amends, and that starts by never repeating the mistakes I've made. It's up to me to start living a life of integrity.

Since nobody ain't talking to me that I really want to talk to, I've had nothing but time to think about how much I done f*cked up. Now I gotta figure out how to fix this d*mn mess I done made. Gotta figure out how to make people trust me again now that my lies is all out there.

I once heard, and I believe it's true, it's not what you achieve in life that matters; it's what you overcome. Achievements on the golf course are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count.

Let me try this one. It's not my golf achievments that really matters, it's how I'm going to come back behind this colossal fiasco that folk are really gonna remember. (Nope, you will forever be known as the rich dude who screwed everyone he could)

Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.

I was on that role model pedestal and now I'm the dude that screwed up royally. One more time, I'm sorry.

It's hard to admit that I need help, but I do. For 45 days from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.

Hi, I'm Tiger and I'm a Sexaholic. I ain't had none for 45 days and it' gonna be more than a minute before I can get some again.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and the times I was unfaithful. I understand people want to know whether Elin and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife.

All the business ya'll want to know, forget it. That's between me and my wife and ya'll ain't gonna hear it from me ever.

Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false. Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things; I did.

Stop trying to lump me with the other sports figures on Steroids and stop messing with my family cause of how I screwed up.

I have always tried to maintain a private space for my wife and children. They have been kept separate from my sponsors, my commercial endorsements. When my children were born, we only released photographs so that the paparazzi could not chase them. However, my behavior doesn't make it right for the media to follow my two and a half year old daughter to school and report the school's location. They staked out my wife and they pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my wife and kids alone.

Ya'll know I hate having ya'll sweating my family. I gave ya'll pictures and that's all ya'll need. Leave my family alone already.

I recognize I have brought this on myself, and I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my family to become a better person. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better man. That's where my focus will be.

I know this all my fault but cut me some slack already.

I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me is Buddhism, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Buddhist, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously I lost track of what I was taught.

I'm turning back to Buddha. Buddha could have kept me on track.

As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I've learned that's how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will leave for more treatment and more therapy. I would like to thank my friends at Accenture and the players in the field this week for understanding why I'm making these remarks today.

Folk can change. Going back to rehab now.

In therapy I've learned the importance of looking at my spiritual life and keeping in balance with my professional life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me, my marriage and my children.

Gonna balance everything better in the future. Didn't really mean to mess up like this.

That also means relying on others for help. I've learned to seek support from my peers in therapy, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help. I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be.

I'm doing the therapy thing right now. Not sure how long I have to do this before I can get back to what I do.

I don't rule out that it will be this year. When I do return, I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game. In recent weeks I have received many thousands of emails, letters and phone calls from people expressing good wishes. To everyone who has reached out to me and my family, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to Elin and me.

Maybe this year. Gotta judge how the mail is going. I still have some folk rooting for me.

I want to thank the PGA TOUR, Commissioner Finchem, and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my private life. I look forward to seeing my fellow players on the course.

Gotta thank my sponsors and peers. I know I'm hurting the game all around since I am the big draw. I'll be back.

Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.

I know I destroyed the trust of a bunch of people. I hope ya'll can forgive and forget.

Thank you.

I'm out.

Public ... Private

2010-02-20T18:19:00.003-05:00

So....Yesterday, Tiger Woods decided or maybe was convinced that he needed to bow down to the public and apologize behind his numerous acts of infidelity that came to light following an incident at his home the day after Thanksgiving. He got to join the long list of those who have been placed on a pedestal only to come tumbling down by being just a little bit too human. In my honest opinion after viewing the statement that he gave I'm thinking he could have saved his energy. First because it really didn't seem authentic and second because I really don't care.

Now Tiger is supposed to be this very private person who has given lots of effort to maintaining his and his family's privacy. No wonder, dude seems to have more skeletons than a little bit running around in his closet. Indeed in his press conference he spoke alot about what he feels is private and between him and his wife, Elin. Him being a sports figure, I feel like he is more than entitled to his privacy. However, it never ceases to amaze me that folk think they are entitled to know every detail of the private life of every person who they see through the lens of a camera. *SMH* Do you really need to know all of Tiger's personal business because he is a really good golfer? I mean for real, he ain't Rev. Tiger Woods and even if he was he still would just be human. Why does it really matter to you if he cheated on his wife? And are you really gonna stop buying Nike products because of his unfaithfulness? I like my Nike footwear and I'm not really thinking about who Tiger was screwing when I go to buy my cross trainers.

But this whole business did get my husband and I to discussing the difference between the public face and the private persona. I insist that most of us are not that different from the celebrities that some of us are so quick to crucify when their humanity is publicly revealed. Most of us have our work face, our friend face, our family face, maybe a church face and then there is the face that only we know. Maybe we are ashamed of that face or maybe we think that face won't be popular. Who knows but I really believe most folk got that other face. Think of all the crazies in the world. When they reveal their crazy, what is usually the first thing that friends, family and neighbors say. He/She was such a nice ... Now they had a really great public face but their private persona was just a bit nuts.

For the average Joe this public/private thing will never get splashed across the television screen or make the front page of the newspaper but I know it has caused a holiday dinner argument or two. Or maybe it has caused more than one school/street fight in the hood. I know a few folk have gotten cursed out behind being two-faced and for real isn't that all it really is. I really want people to stop acting like the folk who constantly get splashed across various media are not just people. They eat, they sleep, they bleed, they cry, they cheat and evidently more than a few have two or more faces. Don't you???

To Be ... or Not To Be

2010-02-19T16:19:00.002-05:00

So it has been more than 2 years since I have even attempted to update this blog. It was a cute fad and then it was time consuming and for real I would rather watch TV than write which is evidenced by the fact that I broke my ankle over a month ago, have been in the house almost steadily for over a month and all I do is watch TV. I could have read...but I did not. I could have written on this blog...but I did not. So is there a point to this blog for me.

BTW I actually have 2 other blogs that I don't keep up with either. One is a library blog and the other is a weight loss blog. One was created with the thought that it would be a work related blog where I would read and review books that might be of interest to my students at John Philip Sousa Middle School. I thought it might be useful to them and encourage me to read more books. Fail on both accounts. The second was created when I went back on Weight Watchers AGAIN with another attempt to take off the weight. I was better with that one but eventually it to seems to be another FAIL.

Things that make you go...hmmmm. I'm gonna mull this one over, attempt to revive the blog possibly and try not to ramble.

Nooses Everywhere

2007-10-24T11:28:00.000-04:00

First it was the Jena 6 and their controversy that began after they basically sat under the "For Whites Only" tree during lunch, and the whites retaliated with hanging nooses from the tree. Now every freaking week there is a new noose incident. WTF!!

OK. So America is hoplessly racist. Is that the message of the nooses? I already knew that, but would prefer to go back to where they hide it and I pretend I don't know it exists. On the real, it's not like I obviously notice it on a day to day basis anyway. But sometimes (like now), I just can't avoid it or pretend it does not exist cause every week someone is a hanging noose somewhere.

I'm so done. Sick, but done. Get over it White America, we are not going anywhere and hanging nooses from every tree from Maine to Florida ain't gonna change that. Get a grip already. This is 2007. We live in your neighborhoods, shop at your stores, go to school with your children and if we want to sit under a tree or work in the police department or teach in a university or be the principal of a public school, you sending a noose or hanging a noose somewhere ain't gonna change that.

Again, for real, I'm done. Oh and I'm gonna skip the CNN special on the noose epidemic.

Neither Black, Nor White, Just Green

2007-04-13T10:32:00.000-04:00

Finally, after more than a week of controversy, Don Imus was fired by CBS from his nationally syndicated talk show. I have to admit when all this first jumped off I was blissfully ignorant as I was on vacation. I was enjoying a family vacation with my husband and 2 of our sons in Florida, but I digress.

When I got home it was all over the media and when I returned to work on Wednesday, I started downloading the reports from the New York Daily News where I get my email alert from daily. Do I read everything, of course not. The news is normally depressing. I skim the headlines just so I'm not totally ignorant of what is happening in the world around me. As of yesterday there were at least 20 stories related to this incident in that newspaper alone. And I read a whole bunch of them.

All I can say is it is sad that in 2007 the nation is still where they are. Yes he was finally fired for calling the Rutgers Womens Basketball team "nappy headed hos" but lets be for real. He thought it was a joke and to him and his regular listeners it was. When those words flew out of his mouth there were men 25-50 who are is regular listeners who laughed and thought it was just hilarious. The politicians who frequent his show thought it was no big deal after all he did eventually apologize for the comment. After all he's not a "bad guy". RIGHT!!

African-Americans were outraged. Rev. Sharpton stepped in. Women of many races were outraged as well. Conspiracy theorists wonder if this was a way to attack 2 of the democrats who have made bids for the White House, Obama who is black and Clinton who is a woman, with on phrase. Even rappers who were blamed for his statement because they use the word ho and bitch in rap lyrics had something to say. I like my rose colored glasses and sadly once again I have been forced to take them off.

The real deal is none of that makes a difference. The bottom line is people listen to him because they like what he says. He says the things that he does cause he knows that it entertains his audience who are faithful regulars. It bothers me less that he said it than the reality that there is a wide NATIONAL audience that was amused by it. Yes he was fired for it but I'm not impressed. His simulcast on WNBC was not dropped because the execs there realized that he is one sick puppy, it was dropped because the like$ of Proctor and Gamble, $taples and other$ $aid we won't pay to adverti$e during that time anymore. He was fired by CB$ for the $ame reason$. Like Ludacris said on his latest CD Release Therapy, "If it don't make dollars then it don't make sense".

Not Black, Nor White, Just Green.

I Salute Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

2007-01-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

Monday, January 15, 2007 was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day which actually fell on his birthday this year. I'm too young to remember Dr. King but I'm not to old or young to salute him. In school they teach you the highlights of who he was and what he did for the struggle for civil rights in America. Every year you learn of his humble beginnings, his great intelligence, his eloquence and his sacrifice. You learn about the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the March on Washington, and his assassination. You hear his famous "I have a Dream Speech and the end of his Promised Land speech.

On Monday morning on the way to the gym for my early morning workout I was blessed to be able to hear that final speech made on April 3, 1968, in Memphis, Tennessee in it's entirety. I was moved almost to the point of tears and surely to the point of a few Hallelujah's. It inspired me to actually want to read the book that he talked about writing in that speech. It made me reflect on how fleeting our lives are and how important it is to make the most of every opportunity. It made me think about how much has changed and how little has changed since 1968. The biggest change is that we no longer have people who are willing to stand up for what is right even if it hurts, and to speak for those that the world would rather pretend does not exist. Not even the blacks and minorities exclusively but the poor every where, cause it doesn't even really matter in America if you're black or white but really just if you're rich or poor, for that is what truly determines if you're weak or poor.

What I Believe!

2007-01-12T12:40:00.000-05:00

I'll just start by saying it is very important for each person to know what they believe. In my church it has often been said, "If you don't stand for anything, you will fall for anything." I took this to mean know what you believe and noone will be able to fill your head with their beliefs to your down fall.

Any way, I haven't felt like saying much lately, indeed I even missed the boat on an entry about my reflections on 2006, but today I got a video from one of my favorite deacons at my church about Oprah's view on Jesus and an entry rose up in my soul. I have to say that I'm not at all surprised. Oprah does a lot of good things, indeed she seems to be consumed with doing good. Is that a bad thing, of course not, or then maybe, if it's done for the wrong reasons I believe even a good work can then be a bad thing. In the video she stated that Jesus can't possibly be the only way to God. I know there are people all over the world of different faiths and I respect their right to believe whatever they choose to believe, but I'm a Christian so according to what I believe that statement is just plain wrong.

I actually watch Oprah fairly frequently and it always disturbs me that she never seems to say God or Jesus. She'll often refer to the feeling you get when something is dreadfully wrong, I believe in that, except I've learned to call that feeling the Holy Spirit. She talks of a higher being, I believe in that too, I call Him God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. And she gives credit often to people for the heroic deeds they do, but never to the power of God that gave them strenght, encouragement or foresight to do what they did. I notice these things regularly and they bother me.

Every morning on my way to the gym since the start of the New Year, Steve Harvey has said over and over, get closer to God in 2007. Which is wonderful for me, because that is exactly what I had already decided was my task for this year. I was baptized 22 years ago and have felt both near and far from God during that time. Lately I have felt on the far side so I decided 2007 would be dedicated to Worship and Study. Then I realized that was incomplete and I also needed to add Prayer to that list.

All of us come to Jesus in different ways, in that respect Oprah was right there are different paths. Your path might be a street revival or an eMass or a Hip-Hop Church. Anything that gets you to Jesus. I pray for Oprah and others who don't really know Him to meet Him in 2007. Once you meet Him, you'll know there is nothing else like Him.

That is what I believe.

Offensive Christmas Tree???

2006-12-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

I very rarely actually get to watch the news in the morning or the evening for that matter and on the occasions that I do I realize why I don't miss it. The snippet that I caught this morning was the news that the Seattle airport had removed their Christmas Trees that traditionally stand atop the entrances of the airport. And as I seached for this article to link it I found a slew more from all over the country. WTH is the matter with this picture. Christmas is the one time of year when idiots all over think about their neighbors, are kind to strangers and generous to those in need. All in the name of the holiday season. Who are they kidding, it is all in the name of Christ. I'm afraid to see what will happen 10 years from now when the atheists, muslims, jews and others all have their way and eliminate Christ totally and irrevocably from the Christmas scene. Hopefully I'll be gone by then. To share a couple of other thoughts on the matter:

The month before Christmas

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a "Holiday".
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod ,
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

But as Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton,
Wolf Blitzen On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday,
Our Countries were founded under the Christian way
To our "guests" I can say,
If You don't like it, You don't have to stay!!

Merry Christmas Everybody !!!!!

And:

The teacher asked her students how they celebrate Christmas.

She called onPatrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what does your family do at Christmastime?""Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we singhymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door andhang up our stockings. Then, all excited, we go to bed and wait for FatherChristmas to come with all our toys.""Very nice, Patrick.

Betty Schmidt, what does your family do at Christmas?""My sister and I also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and weget home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up ourstockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

A Jewish boy had his hand in the air so the teacher asked Isaac Cohen, "Whatdoes your family do at Christmas?""It's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pileinto the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, welook at all the empty shelves and sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Thenwe all go to the Bahamas."

Merry Christmas Everybody!!

Racism American Style

2006-11-29T12:40:00.000-05:00

So for the 4th day in a row the major topic of discussion has been the shooting that occurred in Jamaica, New York on Saturday morning. As usual I was very busy on Saturday morning and had not paid attention to the news that morning but only vaguely remember mention of a shoot out in the early hours of that morning. Did I pay attention to it at the time? Of Course Not! Now it is non-stop conversation amongst many and still front page news. It has even made the front page of the New York Times, which doesn't even normally concern itself with such trivial matters as the shootings of minority persons in New York City.

So what happened is still not really clear other than the fact that police officers fired 50 shots at 3 unarmed men in a vehicle outside a strip club in Jamaica, NY. The men were leaving the strip club after celebrating the upcoming nuptials to be held later that day of one of the victims of the shooting. The young ma that was killed in the shooting was 23 years old and was apparently driving the vehicle. The other men in the vehicle are still hospitalized. So what was initially reported as a shootout was evidently just a shooting. To be a shootout someone would have had to have had a gun and shot back. None of the men in the vehicle were armed.

Sunday morning on the way to church it was the topic of discussion. This morning on the way to work it was the topic of discussion. A lot of the discussion seems to be surrounding the use of the word "nigger" in music and such as if that was responsible for the shooting of this young man. Can we all say Bull Shit? Let's call it what it was, another act of racism in a city that tries to pretend racism does not exist. Was the use of the word "nigger" responsible for the 41 bullets caught by Amadou Diallo while he was reaching for his wallet? Hi, no, that would be RACISM.

Believe it or not folks in 2006 in America we still have rampant racism. Now IÂm not the one who subscribes to conspiracy theories or sees racists behind every door, but hello, I'm not a dummy either. I know it is out there. I might not experience it every day or even notice it sometimes, because that's just how I am but I know it's there. Every time incidents like this happen in the city I have lived in all of my life, it becomes more and more evident. When comics get upset, lose their temper and let that racism slip out, it is evident. When cops bust into an elderly woman's home and shoot her to death because they had a no-knock warrant and she happened to have a gun for her own protection, it is evident. When my college age African-American son who is dating a Caucasian young woman in and around a campus in suburban NY tells me his experiences, it is evident. Why lynch us and hang us from trees, shooting us to death for no damn reason is a lot easier, don't you think? Face it folks, do you really think a nation founded on racism could ever be anything but racist. Unfortunately, I don't think so. Pretty evident, don't you think.

Day Break ... Huh?

2006-11-24T20:27:00.000-05:00

I am totally and irrevocably addicted to TV. This means that I watch more stuff than any person ought to ever watch each and every week. Now of course there are somethings that I wouldn't waste brain cells on like Flavor of Love, or Court Shows or most daytime talk shows like Maury and Jerry. But then I do kill a few brain cells with stuff like Ice-T's Rap School and the Wend Williams Experience.

So there's a new show that just started last week on ABC called Daybreak. It started with a 2-hour premiere last week and then another hour last week. Did I watch it despited the fact that both of my DVRs are full of shows and there are some shows I have not watched at all yet this season? Yes I did and the only thing it has going for it is that it is exciting. That and I happen to like Taye Diggs. I liked the show that they cancelled where he had custody of his cousins baby daughter. I also like excitement. But where in the hell can this show possibly go? Every day he wakes up and repeats the day before but different. HUH?? It reminds me of a really stupid movie from back in the day with Bill Murray called Ground Hog Day. Every day he wakes up and it is Ground Hog Day AGAIN. Stupid yes but that was a romantic comedy and stupid was ok. This is supposed to be for real and how can it possibly be and where can it possibly go. How many times can he repeat the same day and when he's not repeating the same day the premise for the series is done and what's left. Like I said before where in the hell can it possibly go?

Just had to get that off my chest. Back to my DVR viewing.

Visit with the Chancellor

2006-11-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

I know I am all kinds of late with this one but my school had the priviledge of being visited by the Chancellor of the New York City Department of Education on October 19, 2006. My school is definitely a in the hood school. When I came here in 2002 I just knew I had left the zoo and was now in the jungle. We have managed to be in the news for some kind of negative occurrence every year since my arrival.

1. When they published the list of schools that were the 10 most violent in the city, we were there.
2. When they published the list of principals who were no more because of their poor performance, my principal was there.
3. The teacher who paid a semi-autistic Caucasian man to take his state certification exam because he could not pass, yep he was a transplant from a school in BK but when the shit hit the fan he was in my school.
4. The teacher who was attacked in the save room, and then had corporal punishment allegations brought against him claiming that he was the aggressor in that situation, yep my school.

All of that was in the past and we are now an empowerment zone school that has made an impressive turn around on more than one front but still it was quite a surprise that the Chancellor would show up at our school. The kids and all of the staff were at their best. And even though he reminded me of Jim Carrey’s character in The Series of Unfortunate Events I have to admit he was actually personable. And I think people were impressed that we actually rated a visit.

George Bush is the Devil?

2006-09-22T13:52:00.000-04:00

So I was able to catch like 5 minutes of news yesterday morning just in time to see the President of Venezuela call George Bush the devil a couple of times. I wanted to write so bad I tried to send from the Treo but my girl Max hasn't hooked me up on the info yet for how that is possible. During the past 6 years that the American public has had to endure the lying idiot president he has been called a lot of things. Google George Bush and the first hit is a direct link to his bio the official White House website. In the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina Kanye West told the world that George Bush doesn't like Black People and why should he when his idiot momma during that same time period stated that living in a shelter was a step up for poor people. Imaging being poor or not and losing every meage possession you were lucky enough to have and being traumatized for a few days to end up in a shelter being a step up to living in your own place with your own stuff. But being called the devil in front of the free world, what a hoot. All I can say is GO PRESIDENT CHAVEZ. HIGH FIVE AND A BIG COSIGN. I wish I could have met you when you rolled through Harlem on Thursday.

9/11 - Reflections

2006-09-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

I know this is kind of late but just needed to put it out there. A week ago today was the day to reflect on the day that changed the atmosphere of America more than any other event in my lifetime. I happened to be away on 9/11 this year but as I tuned into the radio on my drive back home or the television when I got home it was hard to forget or ignore the deluge of memories that were all around. Many were remembering back to where they were and sending prayers to the families of those who lost loved ones, friends and acquaintances.

I have to admit that the way it touched my life was not the same way it touched others. 9/11/2001 I was serving jury duty for the first time. I had reported the day before to the Bronx court house and was called for a case and told by the judge to report the next day at 11:00 AM. That really worked for me because I could literally walk to the courthouse from my house. At a little before 9 I went into the bathroom to get showered. I turned on the radio to hear them discussing the last time a plane hit a building in NY when a plane hit the Empire State Building. I went back in the bedroom, turned to the news just in time to see the plane strike the second tower. My husband was working nights at the time and I woke him up so he could see what was going on. We watched in shock like it was a bad B movie. I remember crying when the first tower went down. We spent the rest of the day worrying about how our youngest son was going to get from lower Manhattan where he was in middle school to the Bronx and worrying about a close friend and church member who worked in an eating establishment in one of the towers. Cell phones were a complete waste of time, public transportation was nuts, bridges were closed and jury duty was cut short.

The next morning when my husband returned from work he was complaining of gas pains that he had experienced all night long. The gas turned out to be a mild heart attack that sent us to the emergency room that was still crazy as those trying to help with the recovery effort at the towers were sent to any and every hospital to be treated for the ill effects of being in that environment at that time. My husband had just turned 43 at the time.

5 years later neither have the towers been rebuilt nor have the memorial been even started but that's typical for NY. We have a movie about the event cause Hollywood will make money off of anything that they can. From time to time I'll see an old episode of NYPD Blue and see the towers in the background and remember how awesome they were to see and how we'll never see them again and why. I remember the great loss of so many innocents and I'm saddened. Or I'll be forced to fly somewhere and remember why I damn near have to strip to catch a flight in America. My world is a much scarier place and I've never been back to jury duty.

Cregg V goes to Germany

2006-09-06T14:18:00.000-04:00

Well yesterday was a bitter sweet evening as we said good-bye to Cregg V. V is a nurse by profession and has been in the Air Force Reserves for a mintue. When the whole Iraq thing began we were pretty nervous and worried that she could be called up. Indeed at one point she was almost sent to Turkey but was spared when the order was rescinded and she did not have to leave.

Indeed she serves in a noble profession and her willingness to serve outside of a comfortable hospital setting where she is in a supervisory position is admirable. She was actually well into her 30s when she joined the reserves but she's my girl and I know I will miss her tremendously, Germany is so far away. On the bright side she is not in a combat zone and is really only an email away. I miss her already. Left to right: Cregg B, Cregg Y, Cregg V, Cregg C and Cregg L.

Spirit Air...NEVER AGAIN - The End

2006-09-03T15:52:00.000-04:00

Nearly a month after my letter was faxed to the Spririt Airlines Corporate Offices I finally received communication from them. I had literally given up on hearing from them. Just that day when telling a colleague about my experience with them I mentioned that they did not even respond to my quite lengthly letter about my abominable treatment by their company in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.

The letter that I received from them was an insult since it was clearly apparent to me that they had not even really read the letter that was sent to them and merely plugged my information into some generic mail merge letter. The letter that I received from Karianne Silva, Corporate Consumer Affairs, Spirit Airlines served to lower my opinion of the company a notch or two more which I did not think was possible but alas it was. So I'm done with them and warn others to avoid them as well. As they say when your plane touches down, they recognize that you have a choice in air travel, my advice, don't choose them.

Bye, Bye Summer

2006-08-25T20:49:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it is over. Another summer gone in the blink of an eye. This summer has been a bit of a challenge. I knew having the boys both home and grown would be hard and it really was. The younger one is not so difficult, but the older one was on the verge of homelessness on too many occasions. If he was not a full time college student who is almost done with his degree and an A student to boot he would not have made it. Locks would have been changed and clothes would have been packed.

I attended 3 fabulous weddings. I was a brides maid in one, and my dress was boobalicious. I drank too much and ate too much and had a fabulous time. With the exception of the boobaliciousness of my attire that can be said of all 3 weddings.

I also attended some pretty decent professional developments sponsored by NYC Library Services Department and picked up another cool gadget to add to my arsenal. I was able to get a Dell portable projector complete with carrying case and believe me it will be getting carried places.

Last of all, I joined Weight Watchers for the 3rd time and am actually off to a good start. I have to do it strictly online since that is all I have time for but they have great message boards for support. I've met a wonderful group of ladies who call their selves the *1963ers*. You got it we are all born in that year which gives us stuff in common besides our weight loss goals. Many of them are teachers like me and while I would not probably have had much too say to them under normal circumstances I have fit right in with the group. They even have their own website where you can read about us and I actually sent them some stuff about me and pictures too. I look forward to going online everyday to see what's going on with them and lend my support and receive support from them.

Bye for now.

Technology and Me: A Love/Hate Relationship

2006-08-07T21:50:00.000-04:00

The iPod
A wonderful piece of technology. Mine has almost every CD I own on it. It was a gift from my 2 boys last year for my birthday. In less than 2 months it was being repaired. It is currently being repaired for the third time in less than 1 year. Of course right before I was getting ready to leave town and do 3 states in 2 weeks it decided to malfunction for the third time. I seriously contemplated throwing it through the screen of the computer monitor. When it is working, LUV IT. Right at this moment, HATE IT.

The Desktop
When I returned from vacation the computer decided that it was time to repeatedly display the "Blue Screen of Death". Just what I need when my money is funny and my change is strange. I seriously contemplated throwing it out of the window. Made me wish I knew more about comuter hardware and software. **Note to self** Look into taking appropriate computer course when the money outlook brightens. Lugged it to Best Buy to be repaired by the Geek Squad. I'm almost sure that what they will do is something I could have done myself, but I'm not 100% sure and the "Blue Screen of Death" appearing repeatedly is a bit scary. My computer is important to me, not only do I LUV IT, I need it. Right at this moment however, HATE IT.

The Tablet
Why would it be working right when everything else is performing badly? I do still LUV IT, hopefully I won't be hating it anytime soon. Thankfully the minor glitches it had begun to exhibit were fixed by the DOE in short time without losing all of my information. What was the cost? An evening spent reinstalling all of the software that unfortunately was lost. Who are they trying to kid? They backed up my data, took out my hard drive, swapped it for another hard drive and then reinstalled my data. An evening spent reinstalling software, HATE IT.

The Treo
I bought it in May when my cell phone took a missing. I LUV IT. It is so much fun to have. Why did I forget to add the service warranty when I activated it, get caught up in LIFE (Graduation, Weddings, Vacations, ETC.), and now those idiots at Sprint won't add it cause it's been more than 30 days. The dayum thing works wonderfully but given my recent technology issues I'm afraid that eventually I will HATE IT and want to blow up a Sprint Store in Iraqi style suicide bombing fashion in retaliation.

I need the technology gods to smile down on me and I do mean soon.

Spirit Air...NEVER AGAIN - Part II

2006-07-29T13:45:00.000-04:00

When I arrived at the airport this morning, I just knew that this horrible experience with Spirit Air had indeed come to an end and I would be comfortably on my way home. Indeed it has ended but not without a few more surprises from Spirit Air.

When I left the airport yesterday, I left believing that I had been booked on the 7 AM flight to LGA. I arrived at the airport at a little after 5 AM wearing yesterday's clothing, bleary eyed and half awake, unable to properly refresh myself because my toiletries and every piece of clean clothing that I had remaining on this trip were of course in the missing piece of luggage that disappeared the day before at FLL. Not to mention my digital camera, a portable printer given me by my employer, every item that I purchased while in Florida and many other non-replaceable valuables with much sentimental if not necessarily intrinsic value all gone hopefully temporarily but quite possibly permanently. I arrived at the ticket counter to discover that I had not been booked on the 7 AM flight to LGA, but the 7 PM flight to LGA instead. Why is there a part of me that suspects that might have been a deliberate "error" on Sandra's part.

Realizing the gross incompetence that is evidently synonymous with Spirit Air, I did not allow it to reduce me to the nearly hysterical mass that I was reduced to by yesterday's traumatic experience and asked if I could be transferred to an earlier flight. I did not think the airport would survive me being forced to wait from 5 AM to 7 PM for a flight out. I was told the earliest flight I could be confirmed for was 3 PM. I then asked if I could be standby on the 7 AM flight and the flight that was scheduled to leave at 12:30 PM. The ticket agent was having a problem straightening it all out but then he was assisted by a young lady whose name I am afraid I did not get although her face was familiar as one of the agents in the terminal the previous day when chaos was reigning supreme. She proved to be a shining ray of hope in an otherwise dim cloud and a commodity that seems to be rare at Spirit Air, a competent employee. She quickly made all arrangements, properly labeled my luggage and gave me a gate pass so I could wait by the gate in case I was able to get on the flight.

Thankfully, she was also the gate agent for the flight. I am sure it was with God's help and her assistance that I was one of only 2 or 3 standy passengers who were finally able to board that 7 AM flight. I am of course thankful to be home finally. The flight touched down at 9:35 AM, they managed not to lose my remaining piece of luggage but still have not managed to locate my missing piece. I saw many familiar faces and outfits as we collected our luggage and met 2 wonderful women, Ruth and Marie, who have invited me to look them up should I be in the Bahamas.

I stand by my original statement. Never again will I step on a Spirit Airlines flight to anywhere. I have experienced lost luggage, cancelled and or re-routed flights, missed connections and other inconveniences that sometimes accompany airtravel. In each case the airlines made sure that I was taken care of, so I know that there are airlines that know how to treat customers. Spirit Airlines however ain't one a dem. 4 days and counting before I either have my missing luggage or am filing a claim for my missing valuables.

To be cont'd...

Spirit Air...NEVER AGAIN

2006-07-28T20:53:00.000-04:00

In March I sent my son to Florida on Spirit Air. Far as I know there were no problems so I decided to use them for my trip to Florida for the 85th Boulé of my beloved sorority. The flight down was no problem however the flight back is a different story. BTW I'm not back yet and write this from the hotel that I had to pay for myself after my flight was cancelled with less than one hour to boarding time. Below is my letter to their corporate offices.

Spirit Airlines Corporate Office
2800 Executive Way
Miramar, Florida 33025
Hours of Operation: Monday-Friday from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM EST
Phone: (954) 447-7965Fax: (954) 447-7979

July 28, 2006

To Whom It May Concern:

I arrived for my flight at FLL at approximately 12 noon on July 28, 2006 even though my flight was not to leave until 3:00 PM. The flight was reported “On Time” until approximately 2:20 PM when the displays were all changed to cancelled. The employee at the gate had no information to give passengers as to why the flight was suddenly cancelled. The only thing she seemed trained or capable of saying was “If you want to get your luggage, go downstairs. If you want to find another flight, go downstairs. If you want to speak to a supervisor, go downstairs. If you want me to try to put you on another flight, stay here.” Of course it was hell and chaos up there, so I went downstairs to try to get some answers.

I arrived downstairs where several passengers from the cancelled flight had already gathered in addition to the regular crowd of arriving passengers. This of course was more chaos. Many of us were waiting on somewhat of a line, separate from the other passengers who were arriving for their flights, hoping to be serviced. At one point an employee told us that we needed to get on the regular line, this was after we had been standing where we were for more than 30 minutes. This was the same employee that I attempted to ask a very general question to while still upstairs at the gate, such as, “Whose responsibility was it to find another flight when the flight is cancelled?” Her response was, “That was not her flight, everyone has their own flight”.

I decided to attempt to be cooperative in a difficult situation and got on the regular line. When I finally reached the counter and gave the agent “Sandra” my boarding pass for my cancelled flight, she began to explain how I could get a voucher since my ticket was non-refundable. My question being how was that voucher going to get me home? She said she could put me on the first available flight which would be the next morning at 7 am. I asked her if I could be standby on the flight later this evening, she replied that there was already a long standby list with passengers from the cancelled flight. I asked her where the airline would be accommodating me for the night since I am not a Florida resident who could merely return home and try again tomorrow. She then called another employee “Darlene” to explain that since the cancellation was weather related they would not be accommodating me anywhere. Sandra then printed out info for my flight the next day and said “Next” with me still standing there.

I asked her for information or assistance in finding lodging for the night. She said she could not help me and proceeded to ignore me like I was not there. I repeated my question to Darlene who said she could not help me. I stood there until another employee “MarieAnn” passed by and I repeated my question to her, she said she would be right back with a phone number and disappeared inside a door in the rear. When Sandra realized I had not moved and she was having a problem taking the next customer with me standing there she attempted to say something to me. I told her to continue to ignore me like she had been doing, that I was upset beyond coherent speech and ... She and Darlene then threatened to have me removed if I did not move, I replied I was waiting for MarieAnn and would move once I had information or assistance in securing lodging for the night. Darlene then walked a way and Sandra disappeared inside the door in the rear.

MarieAnn then reappeared with a voucher in hand with a phone number to call for discounted hotel assistance. I then went down to the carousel to collect my 2 pieces of luggage which had been checked on the curb and to add insult to injury 1 piece was missing. I might not have been able to get a flight out but luggage evidently managed to travel without me. I guess within the next 5 days I will find out whether or not I will need to file a claim for the missing valuables that were in that bag.

While I understand that Spirit Airlines does not control the weather in my opinion they do control how employees are trained to provide service to their customers. A happy customer is a returning customer which needless to say I will never be. Good customer service during good times is wonderful, but how do employees respond in times of minor emergencies when passengers may be not only upset but also disoriented and in an unfamiliar environment? Why was information and assistance not offered to me by Sandra or Darlene, why was it necessary for me to become nearly irate to receive assistance, were not my 2 civil requests enough? Why do employees not know the proper way to assist passengers during this kind of minor emergency?

God forbid if my 18 year old son had to endure a similar experience in March when he flew on Spirit virtually alone to FLL and back to LGA to meet classmates and faculty for a school related trip. Being on spring break all of the students were flying in from different locations and then back out different locations. Being the only one from NYC he would have been all alone and would not have had the luxury of being able to reach in his wallet to pull out a credit card to pay for his own lodging in another state. Would he have been just left stranded and alone at the airport with no assistance from the airline that cancelled his flight because it was “weather related?” Since when is it okay to treat passengers in such a deplorable fashion?

Over the years I have experienced lost luggage, cancelled and or re-routed flights, missed connections and other inconveniences that sometimes accompany air travel. In each case the airline made sure that I was taken care of, so I know that there are airlines that know how to treat customers. Spirit Airlines however does not seem to be one of them. Surely I would not feel secure flying with your airline ever again or entrusting anyone whom I love to your care.

Sincerely,

Bernardine E. Lowery-Cruté

Convention...Convention

2006-07-27T21:26:00.000-04:00

This summer seems to be the convention summer extraordinaire. As I type this I sit in a business session of a national convention. I actually went from one convention in Boston, MA almost directly to this convention in Hollywood, Florida.

My Boston convention was a national teacher union convention. They pay me to go so I show up faithfully. I was annoyed to be in Boston when the convention was originally supposed to be in San Francisco, CA. I was so looking forward to visiting that city for the first time and then almost last minute I find out that the dates and place had at some point been changed.

My Hollywood convention is for my beloved national sorority. My first convention with my sorors and an event I was so looking forward too. So far the best thing about this convention has been the ocean right outside of the hotel where it is located. The view is awesome and the company I’m keeping is superb. I love my sorors!

Unfortunately on Friday it will all come to an end and I will be back in the testosterone dominated environment that I call home. Oh well!

Hot Fun In The Summer Time...?

2006-07-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

I did it again. Let 2 months slip away without a single entry.

Good news:
1. School is over and summer break has officially begun
2. Two close friends had wonderful weddings where I ate and drank way more than I needed to but who cares.
3. Not working this summer so I am truly, truly taking a break, so to speak.
4. I will be at my first Boule in 8 days and it promises to be a H.A.M.
5. Youngest son starts college at the end of the summer. Oldest son starts what had better be his final year of college at the end of the summer.

Not so good news:
1. House full of testosterone and getting on my nerves big time.
2. 43rd birthday less than week not sure how I feel about that in light of the fact that I rejoined weight watchers and my goal 4 years ago was to lose weight by my 40th birthday and I have failed miserably at that goal.
3. Not working this summer which means money will not be as plentiful as I would like.

Oh well! Bye for now.

Down with Jade

2006-05-08T12:17:00.000-04:00

I first tuned into America’s Next Top Model because of my beloved sorority sisters. I have to start by saying I’m not a fan of Un-Reality Shows and I really did not think it would at all interest me, fashion leper that I am. Never the less I am now hooked. This is my 2nd full season watching, having tuned in the middle of cycle 4. I haven’t always liked the girls but oh well.

Last week I sat on the edge of my bed looking at Furonda and Jade and praying they would finally dump her trifling ---. I was surprised at myself. Yes Furonda was a bit chicken looking and I was tired of watching her and her plastic tiara. But I would rather have watched her than have to endure one more minute of that dayumn Jade.

I keep seeing her smirk and watching her play gangsta with the weak and wishing I could catch her --- on the corner of my block one day. She is so WACK in her attitude, personality and to borrow a phrase from a dear friend, high level of douchebaggery. Please join me in prayer that this week will be the last week that we have to deal with her. Let us pray!

Karma or What did I do Wrong?

2006-05-07T18:08:00.000-04:00

On Monday I lost my phone. Of course these days we wonder how we ever got along with out them and I feel absolutely nekked without mine. Was I being careless with it? Not really. I was going to a workshop in Queens and was using public transportation and was trying to travel somewhat lightly. I attempted to downsize what I would carry into a bag that I picked up last weekend at a conference.

The bag had a pocket on the outside and my phone was in a clip so I clipped it to the bag and there it stayed all day long. Not once did it show any sign of not being secure in that position and so I paid it no mind. On the way home I decided to stop in the supermarket and pick up a few things and as I went to pay for the groceries it all of a sudden was apparent that the phone was gone.

I got home and attempted to call the phone which was of course on vibrate, which is where I set it that morning when I got to the conference. There was no answer twice and I immediately called my provider to temporarily suspend service, at which point it became all too apparent that my providers are idiots. After I explained I needed my service suspended they informed me that there may still be charges if the phone is used for the Internet. My response “how is that possible if the phone is OFF”. No good answer. Idiots!!

And since everything happens at the most inconvenient time this all happened 3 days before I need to drive by myself from the Bronx to Rochester, NY., easily a six hour road trip and not something a woman needs to be doing these days with out a phone by her side. I borrow a phone from a friend to connect temporarily until I can get the phone I really want and when I call to have it connected the provider informs me that I would have been eligible for a rebate on an upgrade handset in June but that will be reset and I now won’t be eligible for a rebate until a year from now. Sucks for me, yes. Also I will be charged a $36 handset upgrade fee for connecting this phone. That sent me over the edge and I temporarily blew a gasket on the phone. Again, Idiots!!

Insult to injury I made a few stops on my way to Rochester and as I went to get on the road I realized that my directions had gotten wiped from my Avantgo program and I had no directions. The phone I borrowed had no internet and I basically went into panic mode for a minute. Bottom line! I need a new damn phone quickly! Oh and why me, what did I do? BTW after thinking it over and over and over I am fairly convinced that my phone had to be lifted from my bag. Guess where I will not be storing my new phone EVER.

The Recap

2006-05-03T20:39:00.000-04:00

Again the time went flying right by again. I'll try to do a recap but I'll start off with I'm really not sure where most of it went. A huge chunk of time right up until April 17th was consumed with completing tax returns with the Big Green Block. Will I be up for doing that again next year? Off the top of my head I'm thinking, NOT! The experience is invaluable if I plan to continue it as a side gig, but making less in 4 and half months than I make in one pay period on my regular job I'm thinking is a waste of some really valuable time. Throw in there a liberal dosage of family commitments and sorority activities along with a sprinkling of church activities and before I knew what was happening it was all gone.

I thought that things would slow down once the tax season was over. With nearly a month gone since the end of tax season of course that is not the case. I guess I should think again because there is not a free weekend in sight until way into June. I'm sure those illusionary free weekends will disappear before I actually get a chance to experience them. Oh well there is always July. Reality says that will probably be August or if I face the cold hard truth that will be never. Oh well...

Later.

Farewell

2006-01-31T11:52:00.000-05:00

Today the news was announced that Mrs. Coretta Scott King has passed away. I heard the news while driving to work and listening to the Steve Harvey morning show on WBLS. I think her passing saddened me even more than the passing just a few months ago of Rosa Parks. Both women were definitely female icons of the civil rights movements. Women who gave to the struggle for which I now reap the benefits. Steve Harvey took a moment to expound on the greatness that was Coretta Scott King. In the years since her husband's death she continued to work for that in which he believed. Indeed as Steve pointed out he could not have been the man that he was had she not been the woman than she was. How many women would be ready to sacrifice their husband for other people? How many women would be tolerant and supportive of a servant husband traveling many hours, bringing heat on the home with threats, bombs and fires? How many women after their husband's death would continue to work for what he believed and not go on with their life with a new man? A woman of strength, character and conviction. Farewell...

STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!

2006-01-26T09:33:00.000-05:00

By now almost everyone has heard about the latest invasion of our privacy by the government. As if they don't have enough information on us already they now want to have access to our internet searches on commercial search engines. Kudos to Google for being the only search engine to defy the request made by the Department of Justice who then went to court in an attempt to force Google to comply. Unfortunately since 9/11 there is almost nothing that the government will not try to access under the guise of protecting my "Security" in some way or another. My personal feeling thanks, but no thanks and stay out of my business.

This morning I was able to check out my friend Shree the tech guru on ABC who as usual has answers to my questions. If you've never seen him, his advice is always worth checking out. His segment today of course dealt with ways to keep people out of my business and addressed most people's major concerns. You can read his advice here! Of course as sure as I am that I need the tech guru to keep me informed from a tech standpoint when things like this come up, I am equal certain that terrorists, child molesters and other creeps in our world already knew everything he had to say and more that even he may not have known. $hit they are probably writing programs themselves to keep folks out of their business.

All of this brings to mind that really good although frightening movie with Will Smith, Enemy of the State. After all once it begins, which for the record it definitely has, where does it end? Where is the line? I guess right about now it's invisible. All of this makes those who are all to willing to believe every conceivable conspiracy theory seem like the rational ones while those who are resistant to the Big Brother spying on me day and night notion seem two steps short of the loony bin. After all, it's not paranoia if they're really after you, is it?

Ridiculous A$$ Bull@@$#*

2006-01-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

Every morning upon entering work in our main office there is an easel with information of importance for the day for staff to make note of. This morning the article taped to the easel was all about how January 24th is the most depressing day of the year. To make it worst I heard this same story this morning on ABC's morning news program. How damn ridiculous to waste ink and air time with such bull$hit. I would like to say a big CO-SIGN to the editorial that counters this ridiculous assertion.

Each day is what you make it. You want to be depressed and you will be. You want to be happy and you can do that to. Point being its a choice that you make for yourself each day. And although I actually like my job, why put that type of crap up for the staff? Is it supposed to boost staff morale? I think not! Perhaps it was to be a joke that we would all laugh about. Not funny!

It is so stupid it just pissed me off. In the words of my good friend Max. I'm done!

Just Watch Them Pass

2006-01-22T22:35:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here's the background on my weekend.

I spent all day Saturday in my pajamas in bed doing sorority work and work I brought home from my regular job on my really cool HP tablet. My diet was shot to hell beginning on Friday night with a serious Ruffles with the Works, Almond Joy Cookie binge that continued into Saturday and then on into Sunday.

I tried to repeat Saturday on Sunday by ditching church, working on the sorority website, and bingeing some more but I did at least shower, dress, and go to the store only because the house was down to the last 2 rolls of toilet paper and it was on sale at RiteAid. My son and husband tried to pry and guilt me on the non-church attendance issue, which is amazing since the first has not been to church since the pastor died 2 years ago and the second ditches church when ever he wants to fish and nobody says word one to him. My point being, mind your business and get off my back. Toward the end of all of this I got to my horoscope for today which said:

Here is your horoscope for Sunday, January 22:It's time to dial down the volume just a notch on any obsessive, anxious or worrisome thoughts running around in your skull. Have you tried just watching them pass rather than feeding into them?

Now I'm not saying there was anything serious that I was consciously thinking of this whole weekend but damn how real was that advice for today and every other day for that matter.

Week From Hell!

2006-01-15T17:49:00.000-05:00

Some weeks are just so bad that you just have to document them so...

Monday - No shower cause there was not damn water in the shower head (I hate and don't have time for baths in the morning), got lost on my way to Queens for my workshop, traffic crazy on the Deegen, late for the Block, iPod died again, late night.

Tuesday - No hot water at all (Boiled water for bird bath), I thought I lost my diamond bracelet, library visitor needed to be entertained, husband found my bracelet outside my door in the hallway, ran to Best Buy to take iPod for service again (2 down and 1 to go before they get up off of a new one), choir rehearsal, another late night.

Wednesday - Uneventful, library visitor day 2, just another late night at the Block.

Thursday - Locked my keys in my car, stood outside waiting for husband to bring spare, ran around all morning in preparation for visit from superintendent, took jewelry to be repaired and spent a grand I don't have on jewelry I don't need, went to cable company walk in center to swap digital box for DVR box, argued with husband, connected DVR box, NO SOUND ON BOX ON 2 DIFFERENT TVs, thankfully there were blue long island iced tea like drinks and Sex and the City DVDs to pass the night away.

Friday - Ran to cable company to return no sound DVR, library visitor day 3, Block again but for one hour only because hubby locked himself out of the house, hooked up new DVR discovered the idiots and the cable company gave me the wrong remote, good thing there were more blue long island iced tea like drinks.

Saturday - Back to cable company again for correct remote and to exchange another digital box for DVR box (those shits are hot), ran to nail shop to have nails repaired (managed to break 2 and chip 1 during this hellish week and the manicure was not even a week old), hooked up boxes, programmed remotes, changed for dash to sorority founders' day celebration, lost again due to faulty directions, more drinks over long distance call from LA from my girlfriend who let me know that 20 year old, sophomore college student daughter(my son's half sister) is pregnant and is due on my son's (her half brother's)birthday.

Good news through all of this, as I was so elegantly reminded by my soror sistah friend from Brooklyn, is that I am still here and have survived the week from hell a week, which will hopefully not be repeated any time soon.

Whose Culture Is It?

2006-01-05T19:18:00.000-05:00

Today I managed to squeeze in a nail day at my favorite neighborhood nail salon. The salon is filled with what I assume are the usual Asian nail salon items: price list, vibrating whirlpool chairs for pedicures, posters of beautifully lacquered nails, boards of nail designs, little Buddha statues, TV, cablebox, DVD/VHS player, etc.

The TV is always going sometimes with something in English and sometimes with something in (what I found out today is) Vietnamese. I always go in with purse, water bottle and iPod for protection from conversation with anyone in the place accept for the person doing my nails and not much with her. Today the iPod was playing The Broker by John Grisham and the TV was playing something in Vietnamese. I was glancing back and forth from the nail designs glued to the nail files to what was playing on the TV. It was pretty loud and I could hear what was playing over The Broker. The TV was playing some kind of Vietnamese awards show.

I'm going to assume it was a music awards show based on the picture that kept showing up of an old fashioned phonograph player. I watched and randomly thought how very American award shows seem to me and wondered how that had slid so easily into their culture. Little did I know what was to come. Before I knew it my head was bobbing to a really catchy tune. Then it happened. I heard rappinig coming from the TV that caused me to remove the iPod earphones and pause The Broker. Yes, it's true. There was a Vietnamese man rapping to the very catchy tunes of Moulin Rouge with Vietnamese women dancing all around. And I have to admit I didn't know whether to laugh or what.

I sat there remembering being a sixteen year old senior in high school in 1980 and dancing to Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five. Rap was really starting to be something and while I have flirted back in forth with how I feel about rap over the past 25 years, deep down it has always been part of what I totally claim as my culture as a person of African descent in America. Yes, I laughed at Vanilla Ice and accepted Eminem, but looked at them as aberrations. I decided to laugh but now I'm really confused. Whose culture is it?

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T16:53:00.000-05:00

How can we sum up the year that has just ended. I think the words of an old school tune says it best, "Another one bites the dust." Looking back one can't help but be glad it is over, which seems like the case each and every year.

Many of my friends are gearing up for a revolution. They are unhappy at their jobs which we all now refer to as plantations. Places where they go every day and wait anxiously to be set free when it is time to go home. I know all too well what that feels like since I have been there and done that. I'm one of the few people I know who actually like their job and don't groan in misery each morning at the thought of going to work. My crosses to bear in the year that has passed have all been personal.

So what am I looking forward to in '06? (Not necessarily in order of importance but just hoow they hit the brain).

My children returning to school has to top the list since they have been getting on my nerves and invading my space since before Christmas. Love them dearly and love them most from a distance and in small doses.
Celebrating my fifteenth wedding anniversay to the man I love. It was really a hard year for us with many ups and downs and I had to face up to some not so pleasant realities about myself and just how much I count on him in my life even if he sometimes disappoints me and even if I don't always act like it.
Seeing my baby graduate in June from High School. Can't believe it and don't know where the time went.
Seeing him off to college in September. Hopefully somewhere that I can afford to send him where he will be AWAY. I'm sure after 2-3 months of a full house I will be singing the Halelujah Chorus as I pack him off.
Hopefully taking a family cruise this summer with my husband, all of the boys and any other family that I can convince at the last minute. It will probably be the last time that I will pay for all of them to go away and could possibly the last time for all of us to be together like that.
My line sister's wedding in July. I know she is getting a great guy and I knew it the moment I met him.
My girl Max's wedding in June. What can I say, it's been a long engagement and they have worked hard to achieve the things they want in life before tying the knot and now the time is right. I haven't even know her for her entire engagement but I feel like I have.

Not bad at all. I didn't think I even had 5 things to look forward to this year and I ended up with more.

Happy New Year and a Blessed '06 to all.

Time Flies!

2005-12-27T12:11:00.000-05:00

Can't tell you where the time goes. It has been two months and I have not had time to read the many posts of my blogger friends much less create a post of my own. Can't even say much has been happening but the time has flown. So lets forget the past and jump to the present.

My house is full and I can't say I'm enjoying it. Both of my sons are home for the holiday. Good thing? Yes and No. I love my boys. They are each special in their own way. But:

I've gotten used to it being just me and D and I'm not used to a packed house.
They argue like cats and dogs except now they're big so it's more like tigers and wolves.
I'm lazy and they make more work for me and only one of them has a helpful nature.
There are testosterone filled individuals sleeping in every room of my house, except the bathroom.
They come with testosterone filled friends in tow most days.
I can't go to the Effin bathroom in the middle of the night without checking to see who's up and about.

Bottom line. I can't wait for Happy New Year. At least then one of them will be returning to school and the other one can vacate the living room and be in the bedroom.

Unfortunately for me it will be the helpful child that leaves first the other one will be here until January 21st. Can we all say, DAMN, DAMN AND DOUBLE DAMN!

Cruisin'

2005-10-31T21:02:00.000-05:00

This weekend I was able to slip away for a little while and go on a cruise with some of my closest friends. One of them recently celebrated the big 40 and had never been on a cruise before, so off we went for a 3 night cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas.

Should have been a great weekend but...

Everyone else left for the cruise on Thursday even though the cruise did not leave until Friday. I really could not leave when they left in all good conscience because as a teacher I don't really have vacation days. No one seems to understand what that means. Basically it means that you have 10 sick days and that is it. I already had four days off this month and to take 2 days was alot and 3 would be just not right and hard to explain to my principal without a sick note.

Due to hurricane Wilma this actually worked out in my favor. They stayed at a resort in Ft. Lauderdale that was hit pretty hard by the hurricane. Traffic was bad and the area was pretty deserted to the point where they were not even able to get a decent breakfast the next morning. They were supposed to be able to return the vehicle they rented at the Port of Miami but that service was also unavailable due to the storm.

This is the fourth cruise that I have been on so of course I had expectations. All of the cruises have been on Carnival Cruise lines and so it was not the line itself that disappointed me but the level of this ship was not what I expected. It was a smaller and evidently older ship than the other three I have been on. There were lots of little small things that were missing or unavailable and that disappointed me.

I love my sistah friends but this wasn’t a good weekend for me with the personal things that I have been going through and I am afraid that I was not very good company. I tried but after a while I just wanted to be left alone and found it hard to even pretend otherwise.

Thank God For Jewish Holidays

2005-10-12T20:53:00.000-04:00

This is one of those years that NYC Teachers love. It's a three Jewish Holiday year. I know everyone thinks we have too much time off and don't work enough. Most people don't believe we are as underpaid as we feel that we are. After all we do have July and August and those weeks off during the year for Christmas, Spring Break and February break. But like the rest of life there are pluses and minuses. And those extra three days off this year are looking like a big plus.

The plus is all of those days off on one hand. That is also a minus. When you have all of those days off you don't have the luxury of planning a vacation that falls outside of those days off. And trust me there are not a whole lot of sick days given on top of those pre-determined days off. Of course the salary is not the greatest, especially when you are starting out and those times off are also peak travel times and the most expensive times to travel.

So this year we got all of the Jewish Holidays and I am happy. The only thing that would have been better is if they had fallen next to the weekend and if the shitty ass mayor had negotiated a contract so that I would actually have had some money to go somewhere. So I will content myself with sleeping late, being a slug for the day and resisting the urge to do something meaningful and productive.

Broken Dream

2005-10-08T16:05:00.000-04:00

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

I guess the quote above will be my inspiration in the days and weeks to come. It wasn't credited to any particular author so whoever you are thank you. I ran accross it in an email I recently received from my Daily Humor Listserv. At the bottom there is usually a thought for the day. Sometimes they are thought provoking, a lot of the time they are meaningless to me but this one grabbed my eye as something to hold on to.

Most people dream of something or another for their lives. Sometimes these dreams come true; sometimes they don't; and sometimes just when you think they have, they fall apart.

I've been married for almost 15 years to a man who I wouldn't say initially struck me as this great big dream come true but I definitely love him and we have managed to maintain the relationship for almost 19 years. It recently ocurred to me that I have been with him for what amounts to as almost half my life. We have raised 3 boys (his, mine and ours) and enjoyed a more often than not happy life. So what's the problem?

As with any relationship we have our problems. Problems that have often been swept under the rug. There are many things that have not been said over all those years and lots of arguments that faded away but were not really resolved so they managed to rear their heads at some later date in some other argument. Recently I attempted to express some of that to him in a letter. His reaction to the letter was not what I had hoped or expected it wold be, although I must admit I knew it was a possibility. And now a dream has fallen and broken into a thousand or maybe even a million pieces. I hope that one of them is big enough for me to pick up and begin again.

Half Empty

2005-10-01T00:51:00.000-04:00

I remember being at some workshop or other, being shown a glass that was half way full of water and being asked is the glass half full or half empty. Your response is supposedly indicative of your view of the world. If you say half full it means that you view the world from a positive perspective, kind of like counting your blessings. If you say half empty it means that you view the world from a negative perspective, always see not what you have but what is missing.

Is your glass half full or half empty? Recently I have truly bought into the notion that there is a section of the population whose glass is always half empty. These people view the world from a perspective of being missing something at all times. Unfortunately for them they are rarely ever happy and and unfortunately for the rest of the population they are almost impossible to please.

In September I began my 18th year working in NYC public schools. I have worked with children from Kindergarten to Eighth Grade both in the classroom as a teacher and most recently in the school library as a librarian. And while there are a large number of people who absolutely hate their jobs and look upon them as daily torture, I actually love my job. The children are guaranteed to have me laughing at some point everyday and I love to know that in some small way I am affecting the future.

My first year in the library at my current school I did not start the position until November 1st after some adjustments were made school wide. The library was a disaster area. The former librarian had pretty much "retired on the job" and just did not have the luxury of sleeping late. After much cleaning I was finally able to take students into the library during December. I didn't have much to work with but I threw the doors open and did the best that I could. During that first year I wrote and was awarded a grant for $95,000 to upgrade the library.

My second year in the library I spent the majority of the year talking with vendors and contractors. I was responsible for the entire project and spent my days ordering everything from books to furniture. All of the shelves in the library were sanded and refinished, a new floor was laid, and custom vertical blinds were installed on all the windows. The library was not able to open until March, but when it did it was beautiful and damn near state of the art.

During those first two years there were many complaints. The first year there were complaints because the library barely had anything useful to assist students or teachers. I totally understood the complaints. The second year there were complaints because the library was closed for such a long time. Again I was in total agreement. Who new it would be such a long arduous project. I only prayed that when it was done everyone would be pleased with the outcome.

This is my third year in the library at that school. This year orientations for the students began on the 8th day of classes. During the first week I wrote and distributed to teachers my first library newsletter. I was so proud of the progress. Not only was the library open but it was phat as well.

Don't get me wrong, I don't live for the praises of my coworkers or supervisors. It's nice to hear praise but I don't die without it. However the last thing I expected to hear were complaints. One particular staff member had complaints about my schedule. She wanted to know why there are so many closed periods? Teachers work 25 periods per week, they have 10 prep periods and 5 lunches. The library is open 25 periods a week, I too get 10 prep periods and 5 lunches. Seems exactly right to me. Why should that be a problem? Because her glass is always half empty. Same staff member even had nerve to say that she did not even read my newsletter and was going to throw it in the garbage because the blue paper was too bright. Again I'm thinking chick your glass is seriously half empty. I'm sure once she actually comes into the library with students to work there will be some complaint or another. At this point that is all I expect from her because I fear that is all she is capable of. If the sun is shining it will be too bright. If it is cloudy it will be too dark. If the flowers are blooming they will be attracting too many bees or possibly even making the air smell funny.

When people meet me I hope they don't think my glass is always half empty. What about you?

Another Day

2005-09-25T21:50:00.000-04:00

If you don't make yourself useful, then what is the use in having you around. If you aren't there when I need you, then why do I need you at all.

I remember when I first met my husband. I had no idea we would ever end up together. Matter of fact I straight told him he was a nice guy but we would not be dating. We hung out together and talked on the phone for hours and hours. Seemed like we were mad in tune and found so many things that we had in common.

He was the first man that I dated that I would allow around my then two year old son. Truly he was the first man that I dated that I did not feel was constantly taking from me. It seemed to be a truly reciprocal relationship. He bought me little things all of the time, took me places and I would never pay a dime, was even free with the cash when I was having a hard time making ends meet.

So now I've got this almost repulsive being who lives in my home who:

Ain't pulling in dough like he should.
Ain't trying to do anything about it like we don't need the cash, (while I'm working my regular job and when tax season starts an extra job, and by next month some after work, or my job's version of overtime hours as well).
Ain't pulling down his share of the home work load, while I'm feeling damn near like a slave (shopping, cooking, cleaning, and whatever else needs to be done).

I mean, WTF. I can't even figure out how this situation was created. All I can say is that after 18 years a relationship grows, evolves and becomes. Bottom line I guess is that I don't like what this shit has become. It is like some new version of crazy.

What totally bugs me out is that he doesn't even seem to realize that something is not right. The fact that the sex life is suffering would that be a clue? I think in his mind I am just being the bitchy wife. How about I am straight tired? How about I feel like I am taking care of another child which happens to be the straight opposite of a turn on. How about this crazy shit has got to stop. If I go shopping can you put the groceries away? If I cook can you clean up the kitchen? Can I get a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook? I don't even know the last time that happened. So I'm back to my original statement.

If you don't make yourself useful, then what is the use in having you around. If you aren't there when I need you, then why do I need you at all.

Catching Up

2005-09-15T19:43:00.000-04:00

Where does the time go? I surely can't even figure it out. It has been more than a minute since I have been able to blog. Been straight busy for the past couple of weeks. Doing what you might ask? Getting back to the grind I guess.

First off I did manage to paint the majority of my apartment like I wanted to. My son helped me the first day, but boy does he complain. He pretty much wore me out to the point that I preferred to complete the job by myself, which I did. That first day I was sore beyond all belief and tired as hell. Swore up and down that I would never even attempt such a job again as long as I live. Of course the next couple of days were not nearly as bad. The muscles were used to working and it was not all that bad. The only room in my apartment that is not painted now is the master (so to speak) bedroom. The furniture in there is so big and bulky that moving the furniture alone will be a job all by itself, the painting just adds to the tortuous joy of it all. Glad that is done but a little pissed than not only did my husband not help in the effort, he has not even managed to deal with piles of stuff that belong to him that need to be dealt with but ... that's a topic for another day.

I also managed to complete a couple of training classes during August. One of course was boring, boring, boring but I do so love my gadget. The other will be useful as the school year progresses. And of course, the school year has begun. This means readjusting to getting up at a specific time everyday and being somewhere in a timely fashion. Haven't gotten back into the groove yet and am still fighting with the alarm clock each and every morning. I need those clocks to fall back and quick cause I don't know about everybody else but I need an extra hour in the morning.

Packed my son off to school as well and the house is empty of children again. Husband didn't help out with that either but ... again a topic for another day. Everything should be peaceful and happy but ... did I say already that is a topic for another day. I think I did.

And the Annual Women's Day at church is quickly approaching as well as the 10th Annual Women's Retreat. Retreat is always a joy and miracle of miracle I actually finished paying for it last Sunday. For a minute there it was looking dicey. I still need to pay for church gear for myself as well as my mother and my other mother. They go on retreat every year and somehow I end up paying for their gear. I love them both though, so I'm sure the money will appear from somewhere.

Women's Day however has become like another job for me. First off it is a long day with 3 services. The first one starting at 8:00 AM and the last one ending usually aroung 6:00 PM. I call it a pentecostal day cause it seems like it never ends. On top of that, each year some of the church women perform a praise dance during the main church service of the day. I have danced with the women every year since the first year except for the year that I had double spine surgery. That first year was wonderful. A truly spiritually uplifting experience for me. I never took dance like most young girls growing up so it was my first time ever dancing. I did not even think I would be able to do it when I started and was surprised that I picked up steps fairly easily and was able to remember the steps and sequences without much problem. I practiced and rehearsed and was crazy dedicated. During the next couple of years while the newness had worn off it was still a joy. Somewhere along the line it became this incredible chore. It doesn't help that each year the dances get longer and more complicated. The dance this year is 8 minutes and 25 seconds long. This might not seem like a long time but when you are moving and doing all these steps it is a very long time. I keep telling the choreographer that we are not dancers we just play like we are on Women's Day and she needs to get a grip. Of course since I pick up fairly quickly she pays me no mind. This year when asked I said I did not think I would participate. My close friend looked at me, smiled and said so I'll put you down as dancing. The first year when she wanted to quit I damn near threatened her and she has never let me forget it. However I should have stuck to my first inclination. My dedication has been less than what it really takes to do the dances well. I know all of the steps now but they still don't quite feel comfortable because I have not practiced nearly as often as I should. And I am at such a spiritual low that I just hope and pray that on the Sunday of the dance the holy spirit takes over and gives me what it takes to make it the beautiful experience for the worshippers that it should be.

What have I learned from all of this? If you must do work during your vacation, don't wait till the end of your vacation to do it. Knock it out quickly so that you can relax at the end and be rested when it is time to return to work. Follow your first instinct, it is usually correct. THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN HAVING SOMEONE ELSE SAY I TOLD YOU SO IS TO HAVE TO TELL IT TO YOURSELF. Should I know these lessons already? Of course but some lessons are hard to learn I guess and I am obviously still in the learning process.

Boring, Boring, Boring

2005-09-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

This post is so late it is almost irrelevant. I started it on day three of a four day training that ended almost exactly two weeks ago. But here goes anyway.

So for the past three days I have been in training at a school in Manhattan for a new gadget given to librarians in NYC public schools. The gadget is the best. It is a Hewlett Packard Tablet. I love it, love it, love it. Unfortunately in order to keep the thing I have to endure training for it.

OK, so I picked it up during the first week in August and my training wasn't scheduled to begin until this week, which is the third week in August. They told us that we really shouldn't play with it and if we break it we buy it. Of course they all know me pretty well and knew that was not going to happen. In that time I played with it everyday. I downloaded software. I took it to another training and took notes using it. I imported all of the songs from iTunes on my home computer. And now someone who is less comptetent than me is going to teach me how to use it. BORING, BORING, BORING.

Is this my own fault? Somewhat, because I taught myself most of what the instructor is supposed to be teaching me. I accept full responsibliity for that part however, is it my fault the instructor is less competent than me? I DON'T THINK SO! Is it my fault that it is an intermediate to advanced class with students who can't copy files from a USB disc to their My Documents folder and don't know that Windows XP is an operating system? AGAIN, I DON'T THINK SO! Is it my fault that there was no plan B for what to do if you lose wireless Internet access in a school building, which by the way happens regularly in most schools? NO, NOT MY FAULT!

The price you pay for a new toy to play with. Did I say at the beginning that I love it, love it, love it. I think I did.

You may now return to your regular programming. Later...

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People

2005-08-17T00:06:00.000-04:00

I know this must sound like an age old question, but sometimes you just have to ask why. WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

No one questions why good things happen to bad people. But they happen every day. Persons who are least deserving of good fortune seem to have blessings showered upon them endlessly. Okay maybe in the movies you see the dirty dog get what's coming to him in the end. Scarface does die in the end, shot to shit in the mansion that all his money built. Nino Brown gets shot to shit in the courthouse. And the list goes on. But truthfully how many people do you know who deserve the same or similar fates just running around as my husband would say "happy as a faggot in boys town". They're as happy as can be without a care in the world.

There is no real answer of course but sometimes it is something to think about. This question comes to mind repeatedly when I think of my friend E in LA. A week ago I got an email from her requesting prayer with her most recent misfortune. Her oldest daughter was pregnant with her first grandchild and the baby was lost during childbirth. Needless to say her daughter is taking it very hard and of course my prayers go out to her and her family. But this is just her latest misfortune. I love her to death but she seems to have a trouble magnet attached to her life . And it just bugs me out. I mean seriously, I just don't get it.

Back tracking for a minute to our friendship. I first met her about 20 years ago when she came to New York from Los Angeles to live with my son's father. My son was less than 6 months old at the time. NO I did not want to like her. NO I did not want to know her. NO I did not want her to exist. I was a new mom who's baby's daddy was ready to move on. YES we broke up during the pregnancy. YES I should have been moving on with my life. NO I was not over him. She already had two children. Her oldest daughter who was back home with her mom and a son 3 months older than my son.

How did we become friends you might ask? It's not every day that women who have had a relationship with the same man can become friends and maintain a friendship that lasts longer than their relationship with the man. She has the sweetest spirit about her. If you get to know her you can't help but like her. That's the kind of person she is. I know that she is far nicer and has a sweeter spirit than I can even pretend to have. But yet I repeat she seems to have trouble magnet attached to her life. When she came here her son was only slightly older than mine so she too was not with her baby's daddy. She had met him in church, married him and he completely flaked out on her. She knew my son's father from their home country of Belize and they had dated before he came to the US. He claimed he still cared for her and as things were not working out with her husband she left LA and came to NY to live with him. Her oldest daughter who was conceived the very first time she had sex was at home in Belize with her mom. Talk about messed up. But she came here and as time passed we actually became very good friends. And when the baby's daddy reverted to true form as Trifling A$$ Ni**ers always do we often had long discussions about his trifling a$$.

She doesn't give up and she doesn't stay down for long. Her second marriage, another man she met at her church, ended when her husband stepped out on her and conceived a child with a woman who could literally be described as an irresponsible, crackhead. He's gone and she is basically raising his daughter by another woman who is incapable of provided adequate care for the child.

Less than two years ago her son at the age of 19 died while away at school in a tragic car accident. I spoke to her two days after the death to confirm the funeral arrangements so that I could attend the funeral with my son who was like a brother to her son, she told me that she thanked God that day for 19 years that she had her son. At the funeral she was gracious and composed, and not only was her son's father there, but also my son's father and her last husband as well. Might I add that she is also a Triflling A$$ Ni**er magnet.

Last year when I visited LA she was in the midst of a court battle with her son's father. He has never paid child support on any regular basis, was delinquent in child support to the tune of thousands of dollars but still felt for some reason he was entitled to half of the insurance money that was paid out from the car accident and was used to cover the funeral expenses. Did I already say Trifling A$$ Ni**er?

I don't know how she deals with it all. I know she has a strong faith. She actually helped me to learn how to pray. She has endured it all so she is incredibly strong. I'm just saying I don't think I could have taken all that she has and kept my head up. I would be screaming, and cursing, ranting and raving. She's kind, she's sweet, and giving through it all. Why her and not me? Why should she have to constantly deal with adversity after adversity? Most of all when will it be her turn to have some happiness that endures in her life?

WHY OH WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

Women Love Romance, Men Love Porn

2005-08-08T17:00:00.000-04:00

Does sex rule the world?

Yesterday, I watched "Shall We Dance" with Richard Gere for the 2nd time in a week. I rented it last week from Blockbuster. As I lay there watching him all tuxed up and presenting his wife with a single red rose prior to waltzing her around in a department store, I thought again how much I love romances. Give me a good romance any day. I can watch them over and over again. Sometimes I am so depressed with the unromantic state of my own life that I can just OD on romance after romance. My husband and son will come in the room and say something to the effect of DAMN, YOU WATCHING THAT $HIT AGAIN. HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH THAT?

This always gets me to thinking about why I like romance so much. I always have loved romance. Started with romance novels way back, moved on to movies and such. I guess I love them so much because they fulfill my basic need to be romanced. Lord knows I don't get much of it in my personal life. My husband is not much for romance. Can't really blame him for not knowing, they hardly every know anything that you don't come straight out and tell them.

I don't know if I really thought about it much before but lately it seems to be on my mind alot. I think at 40+ I need romance and am not sure how to get it.

Men on the other hand love porn. If I were to assume what goes on in their minds, I would have to assume that porn fulfills the need for fantasy in a man's mind the same way romance fulfills the need for fantasy in a woman's mind. At the end of the day they are both sexual in nature. Whether overt or implied the sex is still there.

DAMN, I missed my own point. Maybe sex does rule the world!!

W T F

2005-08-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

S0, it's Saturday, August 6th and it feels like the summer is over. How does it happen so quickly every year? The school year ends, late June, and summer just flies right by.

S0, I went on a cruise, worked a couple of hours, took a tax course, and have some training planned in a couple of weeks. And I guess that's good. I do feel like I accomplished something.

But I did not paint my bathroom, or the rest of my house. I did not even clean that beotch. I also did not go for a Spa day that I promised myself and that was something that I actually wanted to do. The things that I really hate to do, well it's no surprise that I didn't do them but what about the things I actually wanted to do. Why didn't they get done? I mean like I said WTF!! Why do I sometimes have problems with follow through? AM I LAZY? Not really, well not more than any other human being. WTF!! Does anybody have the answer? Cause I sure don't.

Great Read

2005-07-11T07:23:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading "Whippins, Switches, and Peach Cobbler" by Brian Egeston and have not had a book move me like that in a very long time. I laughed, I cried, I reflected on my own life and relationship with my husband of 14 years through the characters in the book. It was a very down home book and I felt like I knew the characters and the family.