Cruisin'

This weekend I was able to slip away for a little while and go on a cruise with some of my closest friends. One of them recently celebrated the big 40 and had never been on a cruise before, so off we went for a 3 night cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas.

Should have been a great weekend but...

Everyone else left for the cruise on Thursday even though the cruise did not leave until Friday. I really could not leave when they left in all good conscience because as a teacher I don't really have vacation days. No one seems to understand what that means. Basically it means that you have 10 sick days and that is it. I already had four days off this month and to take 2 days was alot and 3 would be just not right and hard to explain to my principal without a sick note.

Due to hurricane Wilma this actually worked out in my favor. They stayed at a resort in Ft. Lauderdale that was hit pretty hard by the hurricane. Traffic was bad and the area was pretty deserted to the point where they were not even able to get a decent breakfast the next morning. They were supposed to be able to return the vehicle they rented at the Port of Miami but that service was also unavailable due to the storm.

This is the fourth cruise that I have been on so of course I had expectations. All of the cruises have been on Carnival Cruise lines and so it was not the line itself that disappointed me but the level of this ship was not what I expected. It was a smaller and evidently older ship than the other three I have been on. There were lots of little small things that were missing or unavailable and that disappointed me.

I love my sistah friends but this wasn’t a good weekend for me with the personal things that I have been going through and I am afraid that I was not very good company. I tried but after a while I just wanted to be left alone and found it hard to even pretend otherwise.

Thank God For Jewish Holidays

This is one of those years that NYC Teachers love. It's a three Jewish Holiday year. I know everyone thinks we have too much time off and don't work enough. Most people don't believe we are as underpaid as we feel that we are. After all we do have July and August and those weeks off during the year for Christmas, Spring Break and February break. But like the rest of life there are pluses and minuses. And those extra three days off this year are looking like a big plus.

The plus is all of those days off on one hand. That is also a minus. When you have all of those days off you don't have the luxury of planning a vacation that falls outside of those days off. And trust me there are not a whole lot of sick days given on top of those pre-determined days off. Of course the salary is not the greatest, especially when you are starting out and those times off are also peak travel times and the most expensive times to travel.

So this year we got all of the Jewish Holidays and I am happy. The only thing that would have been better is if they had fallen next to the weekend and if the shitty ass mayor had negotiated a contract so that I would actually have had some money to go somewhere. So I will content myself with sleeping late, being a slug for the day and resisting the urge to do something meaningful and productive.

Broken Dream

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

I guess the quote above will be my inspiration in the days and weeks to come. It wasn't credited to any particular author so whoever you are thank you. I ran accross it in an email I recently received from my Daily Humor Listserv. At the bottom there is usually a thought for the day. Sometimes they are thought provoking, a lot of the time they are meaningless to me but this one grabbed my eye as something to hold on to.

Most people dream of something or another for their lives. Sometimes these dreams come true; sometimes they don't; and sometimes just when you think they have, they fall apart.

I've been married for almost 15 years to a man who I wouldn't say initially struck me as this great big dream come true but I definitely love him and we have managed to maintain the relationship for almost 19 years. It recently ocurred to me that I have been with him for what amounts to as almost half my life. We have raised 3 boys (his, mine and ours) and enjoyed a more often than not happy life. So what's the problem?

As with any relationship we have our problems. Problems that have often been swept under the rug. There are many things that have not been said over all those years and lots of arguments that faded away but were not really resolved so they managed to rear their heads at some later date in some other argument. Recently I attempted to express some of that to him in a letter. His reaction to the letter was not what I had hoped or expected it wold be, although I must admit I knew it was a possibility. And now a dream has fallen and broken into a thousand or maybe even a million pieces. I hope that one of them is big enough for me to pick up and begin again.

Half Empty

I remember being at some workshop or other, being shown a glass that was half way full of water and being asked is the glass half full or half empty. Your response is supposedly indicative of your view of the world. If you say half full it means that you view the world from a positive perspective, kind of like counting your blessings. If you say half empty it means that you view the world from a negative perspective, always see not what you have but what is missing.

Is your glass half full or half empty? Recently I have truly bought into the notion that there is a section of the population whose glass is always half empty. These people view the world from a perspective of being missing something at all times. Unfortunately for them they are rarely ever happy and and unfortunately for the rest of the population they are almost impossible to please.

In September I began my 18th year working in NYC public schools. I have worked with children from Kindergarten to Eighth Grade both in the classroom as a teacher and most recently in the school library as a librarian. And while there are a large number of people who absolutely hate their jobs and look upon them as daily torture, I actually love my job. The children are guaranteed to have me laughing at some point everyday and I love to know that in some small way I am affecting the future.

My first year in the library at my current school I did not start the position until November 1st after some adjustments were made school wide. The library was a disaster area. The former librarian had pretty much "retired on the job" and just did not have the luxury of sleeping late. After much cleaning I was finally able to take students into the library during December. I didn't have much to work with but I threw the doors open and did the best that I could. During that first year I wrote and was awarded a grant for $95,000 to upgrade the library.

My second year in the library I spent the majority of the year talking with vendors and contractors. I was responsible for the entire project and spent my days ordering everything from books to furniture. All of the shelves in the library were sanded and refinished, a new floor was laid, and custom vertical blinds were installed on all the windows. The library was not able to open until March, but when it did it was beautiful and damn near state of the art.

During those first two years there were many complaints. The first year there were complaints because the library barely had anything useful to assist students or teachers. I totally understood the complaints. The second year there were complaints because the library was closed for such a long time. Again I was in total agreement. Who new it would be such a long arduous project. I only prayed that when it was done everyone would be pleased with the outcome.

This is my third year in the library at that school. This year orientations for the students began on the 8th day of classes. During the first week I wrote and distributed to teachers my first library newsletter. I was so proud of the progress. Not only was the library open but it was phat as well.

Don't get me wrong, I don't live for the praises of my coworkers or supervisors. It's nice to hear praise but I don't die without it. However the last thing I expected to hear were complaints. One particular staff member had complaints about my schedule. She wanted to know why there are so many closed periods? Teachers work 25 periods per week, they have 10 prep periods and 5 lunches. The library is open 25 periods a week, I too get 10 prep periods and 5 lunches. Seems exactly right to me. Why should that be a problem? Because her glass is always half empty. Same staff member even had nerve to say that she did not even read my newsletter and was going to throw it in the garbage because the blue paper was too bright. Again I'm thinking chick your glass is seriously half empty. I'm sure once she actually comes into the library with students to work there will be some complaint or another. At this point that is all I expect from her because I fear that is all she is capable of. If the sun is shining it will be too bright. If it is cloudy it will be too dark. If the flowers are blooming they will be attracting too many bees or possibly even making the air smell funny.

When people meet me I hope they don't think my glass is always half empty. What about you?